


how would you feel

by wikemheeler



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M, oof so cute, thanks ed sheeran for the inspo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9808190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wikemheeler/pseuds/wikemheeler
Summary: the four times farkle didn’t tell riley he loved her, and the one time he finally did. (based off of how would you feel by ed sheeran)





	

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to this song as soon as i woke up this morning and it is so riarkle it pulled me out of my fic writing slump :)

 

It’s freshman year and Riley is trying out for cheer,  _ again _ . Even though she made it last year, she still wasn’t satisfied with her “pity acceptance” and vowed to make it this year ( _ I have to prove myself this time Farkle. We’re in  _ high school  _ now, it’s the big leagues _ ), but for real this time.

 

The whole gang was going to come and support her again but everyone besides Farkle was preoccupied. Lucas and Zay had football practice, Maya had independent art study with Mr Turner, and Smackle was tutoring Yogi in biology. Farkle also had plans, the robotics club was about to make a huge breakthrough with their most recent endeavor, but when he saw the way her face fell when everyone bailed, he couldn’t do that to her. He knew that if she knew he had somewhere else to be, she would make him go, so he made sure she felt like his number one priority. At least, that’s what he told Smackle when she accused him of having feelings for her (again).

 

“She’s our friend, Smackle. My best friend actually, and I promised her I would be there for her. Always.”

 

“I thought  _ I _ was your best friend, dearest? Match made in heaven?”

 

“You’re my  _ girlfriend _ . There’s a difference.”

 

Smackle pretended his comment didn’t sting, and didn’t question it further. 

 

+

 

He was gathering his stuff from his locker when she anxiously floated over to him the day of the try outs. She looked adorable in her high ponytail, pom poms in hand. Not that he noticed.

 

“Farkle, I’m so beyond nervous!” Her words zoomed off her lips as they walked to the gym. “I’ve been working with Zoe all summer, you know that, but what if it’s not enough? These girls have made this their lifestyle and I only started this summer. I want this so bad, my head could burst.”

 

“Riley,” he paused, stopping them and grabbing her hand,  _ platonically _ , “You’re going to be great. You have never failed at anything you put your mind to. Don’t freak out, Riles. I’m going to be in those bleachers cheering you on the whole time.”

She looked up at him with her big, doe eyes, “Always?”

 

His heart broke at the sight of her vulnerability so he squeezed her hand, “Always.”

 

Her try out went great, he knew it would. She danced and laughed and even though she tripped at least seven times, she had more cheer than anyone there. He reminded her of that when they sat outside of the school waiting for their ride as she cried into his shoulder. As she cried, he held her tighter than ever before.  _ Platonically _ .

 

The results got posted the next day and Farkle picked Riley up in his dad’s car even earlier than Cory could have taken her so they could wait outside and eat bagels. She wanted to be the first one to see the list, and for Farkle to be the second. When the school finally opened, Riley ran to the bulletin board outside of the gym before Farkle could even make it two feet inside. When he got to the bulletin board, she was standing in front of it, motionless.

 

“Riles,” he began cautiously.

 

“I, I made the team,” she whispered as if she didn’t even believe the words coming out of her own mouth.

 

It took him exactly .2 seconds for him to run to her and sweep her into his arms. She giggled wildly as he lifted her off the ground and twirled her around, embracing her as they celebrated this triumph.

 

Setting her down but not letting go of her, they looked at each other from a dangerously close perspective. His breath was heavier than he ever wanted it to be when he was around her, and her face was flushed pink with something she could only describe as pure exhilaration. Of course, at the time, she blamed it on the good news.

 

“Riley,” he paused,  _ I love you _ , “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked at him in a daze,  _ I love you too _ “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

 

That night, he thought about the words he thought in that moment of pure bliss and reminded himself that it was platonic. They had said it a thousand times.

 

So why could he not say it then?

 

* * *

 

 

Freshman year quickly turned into sophomore year and sophomore year brought more challenges than any of them could imagine. 

After the  _ London Debacle _ the six had faced at the end of the last school year, Riley and Lucas had decided to stay broken up and a long three months later, Lucas and Maya had decided to put themselves, and everyone else, out of their misery and try dating again. They were now almost four months in things had settled. They were happy. Everyone was happy. Until the night that Smackle became very unhappy. 

 

“Really, Smackle, I can leave. I don’t want to get in the way. I shouldn’t have come anyway.”

 

Smackle and Farkle were having a fairly innocent make out session in Farkle’s room when Riley barged in with bags full of snacks and all of the back to the future movies in hand. Ever since Maya and Lucas had started dating, Farkle had been there for her to lean on and she naively didn’t notice the effect it had on Farkle and Smackle’s relationship. That is, she didn’t realize it until she saw poor Smackle freaking out on Farkle.

 

“No, Riley, you’re fine,” Farkle said for the umpteenth time that night. Riley could very clearly see that things were  _ not _ fine, that  _ she _ was most certainly was not fine and that she should leave, so why did she believe him? Why did she take her word for it and sit there, knowing it was only making things worse?

 

Smackle scoffed, “Classic.”

 

Farkle’s finger were going to town on his temples, trying to soothe his mind in anyway possible, “Isadora, if you have something to say then say it.” He never called her by her full name. 

 

“Fine,” she began, stronger than a bull, “If you want to really hear it then here it goes. Riley is using you, Farkle, and you’re letting it happen because you’re too nice. Ever since Lucas and Maya started dating she has needed someone to be there for her 24/7 and you became that person. But guess what,  _ babe _ ?  _ I _ need you to be that person because you’re  _ my _ boyfriend,” she paused and turned to Riley, “You hear that?  _ My  _ boyfriend. I get that things have been hard for you Riley but things get hard for everyone and you’re not the center of the universe. You don’t have dibs being treated right and you  _ definitely _ don’t have dibs on being treated perfectly by my boyfriend.”

 

“You don’t get to talk to her like that, Smackle!” Farkle’s hands were balled and his neck was bright red. Riley had only ever seen him like that the time that Maya’s dad showed up drunk to one of her art shows over the summer. He was always the first one to start swinging for his girls but she wasn’t going to let that happen tonight. Smackle was right, she was being selfish.

 

“Farkle! Enough!” Riley yelled as she stood up and walked in between them, facing Farkle. “She’s right. I mean, for God’s sake it’s a Friday night and I barged in here with no warning just assuming you’d be available. That’s selfish, Farkle. Don’t defend me. Your relationship with Smackle is more important than my bruised ego. I’m going to go now,” she turned to Smackle, “I really am sorry, Smackle. I hope you can forgive me and realize that I never meant to hurt anyone,” she paused for a moment to gather herself, “Right, I’m gonna go now. So sorry. Ok, bye,” and with that, she slipped out the door and slid down against it, letting her head fall into her palms.

 

_ What the hell is wrong with you, Matthews? Get it together. _

 

+

 

She woke up the next morning with a knock on her bay window. 

 

Groggily and even more clumsily than normal, she made her way from her bed to open it up and let whichever one of her friends had decided to disturb her slumber this time. However, when she saw it was Farkle, she instantly sobered up.

 

“It’s seven am, what are you doing here?” She asked with a yawn.

 

He scooted in and sat next to her, head in his hands, “Smackle dumped me exactly six hours and forty seven minutes ago. After you left we kept talking and then talking turned to arguing some more and then arguing turned to tears and tears turned to slammed doors. I can’t believe I messed things up with her so bad.”

 

Riley’s heart broke at the sight of him. Now that she was really paying attention, she noticed that he was wearing the same outfit as yesterday and his hair was sticking up in every direction besides the one it was supposed to be. 

 

She sighed and put her arm around him, resting her head against his crouched frame, “I’m so sorry, Farkley. This is all my fault. Do you want me to talk to her?”

 

He laughed dryly, “Actually, I feel like you’re the last person she wants to talk to. Well, second to last, actually. I think you’ve finally beaten me at something,” he joked as she playfully shoved him.

 

The two sat in silence for a little bit, just enjoying the heat of each other’s bodies. 

 

“Are you wearing bunny pajamas?” He asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

 

“Excuse me for not expecting company at seven am.”

 

Silence fell upon them again.

 

Until Farkle was, once again, the one to break it.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, ya know. I’m the one that kept putting everything before my relationship. Don’t feel bad about it,” his voice was a whisper and she could tell he was incredibly serious and even more so remorseful at how he handled things with Smackle.

 

She sighed and started fiddling with the loose strings on the friendship bracelet she made him for his birthday last year as a joke. She ignores the fact that he never took it off, “You can say it wasn’t my fault all you want but the way she looked at me just goes to show that it was. She had every right to look at me like that.”

 

“Riley, you’re talking as if you’re a homewrecker.”

 

“I might as well be. You two were the best couple I had ever seen and here I come in like a bulldozer, messing everything up.”

 

He laughed the littlest laugh at that, it was just so absurd for Riley to think that she was anything less than perfect, “If we truly were the best couple, then some weirdo girl in bunny pajamas wouldn’t stand a chance against us.”

 

This made Riley laugh and bury her head into his shoulder, which felt like a victory.

 

_ I love you,  _ “You’re the most important person in my life,”  _ so much _ , “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”

 

_ I love you more _ , All she did was smile at him and continue fiddling with his friendship bracelet.

 

* * *

 

 

New Years Eve was a time of revelations for the group of six. Sophomore year had finally reached the halfway mark and the friends were celebrating with another New Year’s Eve party. However, to avoid the bad luck of the eighth grade party, they had changed locations to Maya’s apartment. Katy and Maya moved in with Shawn into a much nicer place about three blocks away from Riley and it seemed like the perfect location so Zay, Smackle, Farkle, Riley, Maya, and Lucas, along with the rest of the class of 2020, set up shop and got the party going.

 

Midnight was in exactly three minutes when Farkle found Riley on the roof of the apartment building. It was rare how bright the stars were shining that night. 

 

She was leaning against the railing, head dreamily placed in the palm of her hand.

 

“Whatcha thinking about?” He asked as he mimicked her stance. 

 

“Just how glad I am that this year is about to be over, and all of the possibilities that next year has to offer. 2018: the year of hope.”

 

He smiled warmly at her optimism, it had always been one of the many things he had loved about her. But up until recently, he thought it was all strictly platonic. But, when him and Smackle broke up a month and a half go, he began to realize that he had been lying to himself all along. It was never strictly platonic. It was hardly platonic period. Farkle hadn’t just loved Riley since the first grade, he had been  _ in love _ with her since the first grade and he hadn’t been able to shake the realization since. Especially not with them being alone on this rooftop and her cheeks being as red as the day he first almost told her he loved her. It was all of the almosts that made him realize that it was more than friendly. Because friends don’t need almosts.

 

After a little bit of silence and a whole minute of the countdown gone, Riley asked, “What are your resolutions this year, Farkle? Now remember, nothing is too big.”

 

He looked at her and then he looked back up at the night sky.  _ My resolution is to get the girl.  _ “I don’t know. What’s yours?”

 

Nervousness suddenly washed over her as she looked down at her glove clad hands and then back up at him, “Promise not to laugh?”

 

“When have I ever laughed at you?”

 

“Almost everyday!” She joked, causing him to laugh out loud.

 

“Ok, ok I promise not to laugh. But hurry up, there’s only twenty seconds until midnight.”

 

Between the time it took for him to finish talking and for her to build the courage to speak, the time had dropped to ten seconds. They could faintly hear the countdown from their party downstairs.

 

She looked at her hands and whispered quietly, “I want to fall in love.”

 

Five seconds.

 

“What?” He couldn’t hear her above the countdown.

 

Two seconds.

 

“I want to fall in love!” she screamed giddily to the streets of New York City as the party downstairs and all across the east coast screamed “Happy New Year!” 

 

With the new knowledge of her resolution, he didn’t waste another second. 

 

_ I love you _ . He kissed her. 

 

_ I know.  _ She kissed him back.  _ I love you more. _

 

* * *

 

 

Riley and Farkle  _ weren’t _ dating. Unless you call him giving her rides everyday, waiting for her at her locker, and sneaking kisses under the bleachers in between classes dating. Because if that what dating was, then they were definitely doing it, and had been for the entire second half of sophomore year, the whole summer, and the first few months of junior year. But they would go to the grave saying that nothing had changed. They even said so when Farkle showed up to school with a hickey peeking through the collar of his shirt after a long weekend. The same long weekend that Riley had told Maya she was busy the entire time of.

 

“Hey Farkle, what’s that on your neck?” Zay asked at lunch that fateful Tuesday back at school, trying to feign innocence. 

 

Maya sat down next to Lucas and decided to join in on the phone, “Yeah, Minkus, what is it? Did you ‘fall’ again?”

 

However, Farkle didn’t back down easily, and he had been playing Maya and Zay’s games for a few years now, he was no Novice. “Actually, it is. In fact, it looks  _ just like _ the bruises that were all over your neck freshman year right after you and Lucas had made it official. You must have ‘fallen’ a lot too. What a cowinky dink,” he finished as he took a bite into his apple, giving a smug look to Maya who just glared in response. 

 

“Hey guys, what are we talking about?” Riley asked as she sat down, right next to Farkle of course. “Sorry I’m late, I had to stop by my physics class and ask a question. That class is so insanely difficult it’s driving me cra-” she halted as she saw the death stare Maya was giving Farkle, “What’s happening here?”

 

Without looking up from his casserole, Lucas nonchalantly explained, “Farkle and Maya are slut shaming each other.”

 

“Are you serious? That’s the third time this week!” Riley sighed annoyingly, hitting Farkle on the arm.

 

“Hey! It’s not my fault that your girlfriend keeps coming at my bruises. It’s not my fault that I uh,  _ fall down _ a lot.”

 

Maya snickered from across the table, making Farkle snap his head back to her direction.

 

“What’s so funny, Hart?”

 

She laughed harder and then tried to calm herself down, “Woo, man,” she wiped tears from her eyes, “I just think it’s hilarious how easy it is for you to call Riley  _ my _ girlfriend when I’m not even the one sleeping with her.”

 

Suddenly, the whole table turned to a ghost town aside from Maya’s uncontrollable cackling. Riley sunk her arms and Farkle’s ears, neck, and chest turned bright pink.

 

“Oh my,” Smackle squeaked from next to her boyfriend of three months, Zay.

 

Lucas wrapped his arm around Maya and looked at the group awkwardly, “Alright honey I think that’s our cue to  _ leave _ . Bye everyone,” he said as he ushered a still laughing Maya away from the table, grabbing both of their trays in the process.

 

“Yeah uh, Iz I think we should head out too. You promised me you find that one book in the library, remember?” Zay said, very clearly trying to make a break for it in anyway he could.

 

“No, I have no memory of this.”

 

Zay opened his eyes wider, signaling urgency. Finally, Smackle caught on, “Oh yes.  _ That _ book,” she fake remembered. “Let’s go,” and, with that, they ran off after Maya and Lucas. 

 

It was quiet for a little bit, with Farkle trying to piece together what had just happened and Riley trying to find the courage to come out of the hiding place under her arms.

 

“Well. At least Maya and I won’t slut shame each other anymore?” He reasoned weakly, as he stared at his unfinished peanut butter and jelly.

 

Riley groaned.

 

“Hey, I mean, this isn’t  _ that _ bad,” he continued, swiveling to face her this time, “I mean, it’s not like we were keeping it a secret or anything. Were we?”

 

Finally, Riley uncovered her face and looked at him tiredly, “I don’t know Farkle. I mean, we’ve been together but not together for like nine months now and we’ve never even talked about what we are or what we’re doing or where we’re going. What are the rules here?”

 

Farkle’s mouth was dry. He never brought up  _ the talk _ because he didn’t want to scare her away. Neither of them had ever been good at relationships and now that he had her in his grasp, he didn’t want to lose it.

 

“I didn’t realize that there were supposed to be rules,” he trailed off.

 

Riley scoffed and gathered her things, trying not to let the tears fall in front of him, “Yeah well you also didn’t  _ realize _ that all I want is to be your girlfriend. And they call you a genius.”

 

And then, it was just Farkle at the lunch table, and it was his turn to hide and groan.

 

* * *

 

 

Over the past nine months, Farkle’s bay window visits had grown substantially in frequency, but this time he was nervous. It probably had something to do with the fact that he hated himself for ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he ignored that and tapped on the locked window. She must have known that he would try to stop by.

 

“Go away, Farkle,” he heard Riley snap, muffled slightly by the glass.

 

“Please, Riley, can we just talk about this? Unlock the window,  _ please _ .”

 

He rested his head against the window in frustration and sighed,  _ You really did it this time, Minkus.  _

 

And then suddenly, his head was no longer on the window, but inside of Riley’s room, landing with a thump.

 

“Sorry,” Riley apologized, completely deadpanned and full of zero remorse.

 

He climbed in and rubbed his forehead, “It’s fine. I deserved that.”

 

She had moved back to her bed and was facing the wall in front of her instead of him, clutching a pillow, “Yeah. You did.”

 

Farkle then noticed that the pillow had mascara stains on it and his heart sank so deeply. 

 

“Riley, I know I handled this whole situation, you and me, the complete wrong way. I just, I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes. I just got so caught up in how great things were I forgot or didn’t realize how amazing things could be if we just talked about it. I was selfish. I didn’t want things to get ruined so I strung us both along for almost a year and I’m sorry. I understand if you never want to talk to me again but,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck,  _ I love you _ , “But, please just know that I would never want to hurt you.”

 

Her eyes broke away from the wall and turned to him. She saw how tired he looked and it had only been three and a half hours since they had last spoke. She knew she shouldn’t let him off that easily, but she also knew she wanted nothing more than to have him hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

 

“Farkle,” she began as she moved off of her bed and next to him, clutching his hand into hers. The bracelet she had given him had lost almost all of its integrity and color, but it was still seared into his skin. “You’re not selfish. I didn’t speak up either. But being scared isn’t an excuse, for either of us. So, right here, right now, we need honesty. One hundred percent, complete, and total honesty.”

 

He smiled at her, “I can do that.”

 

Placing her free hand over their conjoined ones, she whispered, “How do you feel about me? Am I just a nine month long booty call to you?”

 

He scoffed, “Of course not. Are you serious right now?

 

She looked incredibly serious.

 

“Oh my God you are serious. Alright, well. No. You’re not a booty call. You never have been and you never will be. You’re my best friend, and you’re also everything I’ve ever wanted or needed out of a partner, a teammate. Riley, you’re everything to me.”

 

“But you told Smackle that being a girlfriend and being a best friend are different,” she asked warily.

 

“With her, they were. Smackle and I never had what we have. We have,” he turned to face her and grabbed both of her hands, “We have history. We have a near life long bond. For us, being best friends and being more isn’t that far of a stretch. Name one thing that is noticeably different from before.”

 

Riley giggled and traced the bruise on his lower neck, “Well, this is certainly a new development.”

 

He laughed and grabbed the hand she was using to trace the bruise and brought it to his mouth, kissing it sweetly. “Besides  _ that _ , nothing has changed.  _ We _ are still  _ us _ . Late night movie marathons, bagel runs, and mix cds, everything that we had is still what we have. And what we have is perfect.”

 

“But  _ what _ is it that we have? Are we dating, are we friends with benefits? What is happening?”

 

He looked into her eyes deeper than he ever had before and drop his voice to a more serious tone, “What do you want?”

 

“I wasn’t lying when I made my resolution this year. I wanted to fall in love.”

 

The past tense stings, “Oh, well what do you want now.”

“I don’t want anything more. I already have you,” she pauses and smiles at him, “My resolution has been fulfilled.”

 

His heart stops and then starts going again at a mile a minute. 

 

“Wait so does that mean that,” he was trying to stay calm but he couldn’t help the goofy smile breaking across his face.

 

“Yes. I love you, Farkle Minkus,” the goofy smile mirrored on her face as they giggled ridiculously.

 

“I love you too. So, so much,” he held his hands and kissed her knuckles again, “Since the first grade.”

 

She smiled back at him, “I can’t believe it took us ten years to get here, and the whole time we were right under each other’s noses.”

 

“I know, and now we’re dating,” he said with his smile wide and smug.

 

Her eyes widened with excitement and she squeezed his hands a little tighter, “We are?”

 

He laughed excitedly, “If you would do me the honors then yes, I would be honored to be your boyfriend. Beyond honored actually,” he paused, “I can’t think of a word that means more than honored right at this very moment, I’m a little flustered,” Riley laughed at that, “But yeah, will you be my girlfriend?”

 

“Yes, yes, of course,” Riley cheered as she wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling him in for an embrace. 

 

They stayed like that for a little while until Farkle started giggling.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Riley asked as she pulled back to look at him.

 

“I just think it’s funny that we did everything so out of order. We kissed, had,” his voice dropped to a whisper as a joke, “sex,  _ and  _ said I love you all before we started officially dating. Why are we like this?”

 

She laughed too, resting her head against his shoulder, “Oh well, I guess. Who cares. We’re together now,” she looked back up at him smiled.

 

He leaned down and rested his forehead on hers, “I’m never going to get tired of saying ‘I love you’ to you.”

 

Smiling and leaning in to kiss him, she hummed against his lips, “I’m never going to get tired of hearing it. I mean, it took you long enough.”

 

“That’s really rude, I’m fragile.”

 

“Whatever. Shut up and kiss me.”

 

“I mean, if you insist.”


End file.
